:prrie Goldstein Has Become Quite The Satarist

The new deputy in town

By LORRIE GOLDSTEIN

We whisk you now to the daily Question Period at Queen's Park.

There, newly appointed Deputy Premier George Smitherman is filling in for Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty, who is on an extensive goodwill tour of the province, attempting to find his lost credibility.

Let's listen in, as the Speaker asks John Tory, Leader of the Official Opposition and of the Conservative Party of Ontario, to ask the day's first question...

Honourable Speaker: "Honourable members of the Legislature, it is now time for Oral Questions. The chair recognizes The Leader of the Official Opposition."

Deputy Premier George Smitherman: "Thank you, Mr. Speaker! My first question is for the Leader of the Conservative Party, John Tory, that poor-little-rich-boy-born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-his-mouth-Mike-Harris-Ernie-Eves-clone. Mr. Tory how dare you ..."

Hon. Speaker: "Order ... order. The Deputy Premier will please come to order.

Mr. Deputy Premier, I asked for a question from the Leader of the Official Opposition. You are the Deputy Premier and Health Minister. As I am sure you are aware, this means you represent the Government now. Please wait for a question to be asked before responding."

George Smitherman: "My apologies, Mr. Speaker. The Premier just named me his Deputy and I guess I'm a little anxious to get started."

Hon. Speaker: "Very well, then. As I said, the Chair recognizes the Leader of the Official Opposition."

John Tory: "Thank you Mr. Speaker, my first question is for the Minister of the Environment ..."

George Smitherman: "Point of Order, Mr. Speaker! How dare Mr. Tory ask a question of the Minister of the Environment? This is just the sort of cheap theatrics we've come to expect from a poor-little-rich-boy-born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-his-mouth Mike-Harris-Ernie-Eves-clone like John Tory! Why I oughtta ..."

Hon. Speaker: "ORDER! Mr. Deputy Premier, SIT DOWN. That is NOT a point of order. Once again, this is Question Period, Mr. Deputy Premier. Please wait for the question to be asked."

George Smitherman: "Sorry, Mr. Speaker."

Hon. Speaker: "All right. For the THIRD time, the Chair recognizes the Leader of the Official Opposition."

John Tory: "Thank you Mr. Speaker. My next question is for the Minister of Health ..."

George Smitherman: "Point of personal privilege, Mr. Speaker! Mr. Speaker, I have never been so insulted in my life by the vicious, personal attack that has just been launched on my character by John Tory, that poor-little-rich-boy-born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-his-mouth-Mike-Harris-Ernie-Eves-clone!

I thought I had seen everything in this Legislature, but for Mr. Tory to stand there and raise my past addiction to illegal party drugs after I publicly acknowledged a full four months ago ..."

Hon. Speaker: "ORDER! Mr. Deputy Premier, SIT! What are you talking about?

The Leader of the Official Opposition said no such thing. All he said was he had a question for the Health Minister. That's you! I'm warning you, wait for the question before you respond."

George Smitherman: "My bad, Mr. Speaker."

Hon. Speaker: "Okay. We'll try this one more time. The Chair recognizes the Leader of the Official Opposition."

John Tory: "Thank you, Mr. Speaker. Again, my question is for the Minister of Health ..."

George Smitherman: "Mr. Speaker, is this what it has come to in Ontario? Are you going to sit there and allow the Leader of the Conservative Party of Ontario to cast aspersions on my sexual orientation? Mr. Speaker, I am proud to be Ontario's first openly gay cabinet minister, and I will not go back into the closet just to satisfy the likes of John Tory, that poor-little-rich-boy-born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-his-mouth-Mike-Harris-Ernie-Eves-clone ..."

Hon. Speaker: "Aw, the hell with it ... The time for Oral Questions has expired."