Why Do I Have Visions Of De Je Vue?

June 5, 2007
'To the three people who have asked"

Appropos of nothing...

Let's say you're sitting at a bar called, oh... Labatt House. Having a few drinks with good friends, and one of them leans forward, looks you in the eye and asks, "So, I have to ask you about Joe Blow*. How come you find him so contemptible?"

Joe Blow isn't a big part of your life. In fact, Joe Blow is no part of your life at all. But you're a little warmed over by the drinks and you love to gossip.

What do you do?

I know what I do - I share the story, and the evening continues. And then I forget about it.

A few days later, an email arrives from somebody and after beating around the bush a little. "BTW - how come you find Joe Blow so contemptible?"

What do you do?

I know what I do. If I believe the writer deserves an answer, I reply and explain why I detest the twerp. But I think it odd to be asked twice about a guy I've seldom mentioned,

(Bear with me. This is going somewhere.)

Then - and this is going to sound very strange, all coincidency - you sit down in the salon chair for your weekly pedicure, and lo and behold - beside you is an old business associate. Small talk ensues and he leans over to whisper, "I know this is none of my business, but I just have to know - how come you think this Blow fellow is so contemptible?"

This is weird. Despite having at most, a peripheral association with Joe, there are three people so consumed with your non-relationship that they go out of their way to ask about it.

What do you do?

It's none of his business, but we're in an intimate setting. What the hell? It's not like I have to face Joe over the dinner table. So, toes wiggling in Palmolive, I spill the juicy details.

That's what I'd do.

That's how gossip works, isn't it? That's the way normal people talk to other normal people in private. Questions are asked. Answers are given.

There's no time delay rule.

But for some people, it seems that's not how it works at all. Some people save their answers up to be unveiled at a later time and place! As if you like, but you'll just have to wait.

Until the special day arrives for the answer to be unveiled in a blog post - a digital opening night of sorts for the "Long Awaited Contemptible Joe Answer"!

And, because they've presumably been waiting patiently at their computer screens for just this moment, the post is thoughtfully addressed to "the three people who have asked".

It must be so exciting for them - like saving up all your gossip for Christmas morning.

So, what do you think of that?

I know what I think of that.

*sigh*

I don't think there were three people at all.

I think they were three voices.
Posted by Kate at 12:13 AM