It seems as a city Toronto/GTA doesn't take a backseat to anyone.....CENTRE OF THE LOONIVERSEIs loopiness our real strength?
Toronto Star
It was another year of living stupidly.
We've got a knack for it, here at the centre of the universe – even if some global destination appraisers don't share our enchanted view of ourselves.
Imagine, leaving Toronto off the list of hot North American cities.
Actually, Toronto didn't make the Canadian short list either.
Even the CN Tower came up short as a phallic monument to towering ambitions. But what do they know, them punts that don't have the privilege of living here, in the nexus of all things self-reverential and self-referential. We are sublimely confident of our pre-eminence and panache, so bugger the rest.
Okay, a bit loopy maybe, quixotically weird. And, um, chronically perverse, it must be admitted, all the time fiddling and diddling, gobs of sex and sleaze and scandal. Tie Domi went from enforcer to divorcer, trading in his skates for a game-worn Stronach. An immigration adjudicator allegedly tried coercing sex from a refugee claimant. Refuge was also the prize for scores of delegates to the International Aids Conference who came to Toronto and then wouldn't leave.
Seemed like everybody was on the game, one way or another.
More prosaically, homegrown terrorism reportedly roosted in the suburbs, briefly eclipsing our very own Al Qaeda first family in notoriety. Shootings were down but crimes against canines were up. Robbers robbed and cops copped pleas.
Herewith, one final look back at the year that was, and went.
I Did It M-y-y-y-y Way
An insurance salesman mortgages his home to rent Roy Thomson Hall for one night so he can fulfill his dream of singing on stage to 2,500 friends, at a cost of about $60,000.
Son-of-a-snitch
A mother turns in her 17-year-old son after finding a loaded AK-47 military assault rifle in his bedroom and is praised by Police Chief Bill Blair, who says she "set a standard for others to follow.''
Alien abduction
Immigration officials go to a school and threaten to take away two young sisters if their parents, illegal immigrants, don't turn themselves in within 30 minutes.
Digest item
Thanks to a hacker, the scrolling sign on a GO train from Oakville repeats this message every three seconds during morning rush hour: "Stephen Harper Eats Babies.''
Fanny packing
A Dora the Explorer backpack taken from a 14-year-old Rexdale girl is found to contain a loaded Magnum handgun and two 25-centimetre knives.
Driving while under influence
of stubbornness and old age
Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion finally agrees to get a chauffeur after making an illegal right-hand turn and slamming her car into a signpost.
Nursing your drink
An interactive exhibit at the Ontario College of Art and Design is allowed to serve pasteurized breast milk for taste-testing purposes – six flavours from six donor moms.
Home Swede Home
Rumours fly that Mats Sundin is looking for a trade after putting his Forest Hill mansion on the market over the summer.
Working for peanuts
Marquee defence lawyer Clayton Ruby is on the case after two elephants are charged with stepping foot in the city illegally.
Crew-cut
In the biggest gang sweep ever by Toronto police, targeting the notorious Jamestown Crew, nearly 100 people are charged with some 1,000 offences.
Union-jacked
TTC employees stage a wildcat strike during a hot, muggy, morning rush hour, forcing 700,000 commuters to walk, bicycle or carpool.
What did jihad in mind?
Eighteen Muslim teenagers and young men are charged as members of a suspected homegrown terrorist cell, allegedly attending a "training camp'' north of the city and trying to purchase bomb-making materials.
Academic third degree
Protestors, including faculty members, vilify Ryerson for awarding an honorary doctorate to Margaret Somerville, ethicist and outspoken opponent of same-sex marriage.
Bored of the Rings
Bad reviews and slow ticket sales shut down $28 million musical, The Lord of the Rings, after only seven months.
Locked and loaded
Security guards stumble on an arsenal of high-powered weapons and drugs stashed in lockers at Fairview Mall.
Cocked and loaded
Jerry Hall appears in Toronto to promote an anti-impotence drug, not a problem that ex-husband Mick Jagger had suffered from, apparently. "No, no, he had the opposite problem."
I can't GITMO satisfaction ...
Despite a U.S. Supreme Court ruling that the Bush administration's war crimes tribunals violate international law, Toronto's Omar Khadr, 19-year-old terrorism suspect, remains in custody at Guantanamo Bay.
Welcome back Khadr
Abdullah Khadr, 24, is indicted by a Boston court on terrorism charges, including allegedly plotting to kill Americans overseas, but remains in Canada while fighting extradition.
Bio-terrorism
Abdurahman Khadr, black sheep of the family for renouncing violence and allegedly assisting the CIA, sells Hollywood rights to his life story for the movie Son of Al Qaeda.
Dumb and dummier
A 39-year-old Aurora woman is caught using a decoy dummy in her vehicle so she could drive in the carpool lane. "It looked like Kenny from South Park was strapped in the child seat,'' said OPP Sgt. Cam Woolley.
Cause and affectation
Christian peace activist James Loney, taken hostage in Iraq, returns home after being freed by British commandos and forgives his abductors.
Cos and defamation
Bill Cosby settles a lawsuit by a Pickering woman who alleged the comedian drugged and sexually assaulted her at his Philadelphia mansion.
Stickup-to-itiveness
The "Camouflage Bandit" – dressed in sunglasses, toque and army pants – robs his 21st bank.
In case of emergency,
learn English
The TTC commits a spelling mistake on its bilingual escape-window instructions.
Frankly, we don't give a damn
After 25 years of flipping franks outside Ryerson, Ernie the Hot Dog Vendor retires to much fanfare.
Horse's mass due to horse's ass
Twelve hundred mourners attend a lavish memorial service for Brigadier, a police horse mortally injured in a hit-and-run.
The housing market is just all so ... Complicated
Avril Lavigne can't sell her Toronto home and drops the price.
Casa nostra
According to Police Chief Armand La Barge, there are at least a dozen Mafia fugitives who either consider York Region home or visit regularly.
Avian flew victim
Big Becky, a peregrine falcon, leaves her downtown nest at King and Victoria Sts., sails into the window of an office building, and dies.
Ego-swelling dwelling
A mansion on The Bridle Path goes on the market for $15 million, the most expensive home ever listed for sale in Toronto.
Pool shark
A man who was involved in an international steroid trafficking ring, and admitted to helping a friend burn and dispose of a murder victim's butchered body, is reinstated as swim coach at an Oakville club.
Now coaching behind parallel bars
A gymnastics coach who taught at five clubs in the GTA over the past decade is charged in a child exploitation investigation, accused of using blogs to advertise his sexual interest in young girls and of stealing items – including young girls' underwear – from gyms where he worked.
Grandma-ll seizure
A 97-year-old grandmother is hospitalized after being left alone in a sweltering car for almost an hour during the worst heat wave of the summer while her family went shopping.
Shop till the cop shows up
A 26-year-old mother is charged after leaving her five children – including 19-month-old twins and a 4-month-old infant – unattended in a car while she mall-shopped.
Attack ads
Three people at Yonge and Dundas Sts. are injured by sections of a billboard sign that plummet 18 storeys.
Beer and loathing on the waterfront
In a precedent-setting move, the Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario revokes the liquor licence of the Docks, a waterfront nightclub and entertainment complex, over noise complaints.
Actually, most Harley knew him
More than a thousand bikers mourn at the mandatory attendance funeral for a Hells Angel sergeant-at-arms shot to death at a strip club, allegedly by a Bandidos rival.
Poop-decked
A Toronto principal is charged with two counts of assault after allegedly tossing excrement at children.
F--- you
Big wheel Tory lawyer Peter Shoniker pleads guilty after a money-laundering sting. During a meeting with an undercover officer, Shoniker boasted that "not a f---ing judge in this city" would authorize wiretaps on his phone.
Examination for discovery
The Toronto District School Board asks students as young as 14 whether they are bisexual, gay, heterosexual, lesbian, transsexual, transgendered or two-spirited (an aboriginal term).
Moo-d disorder
Canada's popular Snowbirds go ahead with their flyover of a Whitby school despite noise complaints from nearby residents, including a farmer who claims one of his cows dies every time the precision team screeches overhead.
Verbal diarrhea
CBC chair Guy Fournier resigns amid furor over his remarks about the joys of defecation and the legality of bestiality in Lebanon.
Bel-omi, she said
Tie Domi's wife, Leanne, files a combustible divorce petition, accusing her husband of having an affair with Liberal MP Belinda Stronach.
Borderline stupid
A California man attempting to join his family in Burlington is stopped by customs and cited for attempting to smuggle child pornography into the country on his cell phone – a picture of his unclothed baby son.
Bureaucratic waste-watchers
Toronto City Council restricts the number of garage sales residents can have to just two a year.
Fourth down and punt up here
Ricky Williams signs a one-year contract with the Argonauts after being suspended by the Miami Dolphins for failing an NFL drug test for the fourth time.
Bench-pressed
After missing the playoffs, Leafs coach Pat Quinn is fired.
Misguided bomb
delivery system
A man discovers a World War II-era bomb while working in the backyard of a west-end home, puts it in the back of his truck and takes it to a police station.
D-listed
Toronto is left off Travel and Leisure Magazine's list of top 10 U.S. and Canadian cities, because it lacks one main feature to make it stand out. Vancouver, Quebec City, Victoria and Montreal make the list.
Pigskin-in-a-poke
Leafs owner Larry Tanenbaum and Blue Jays owner Ted Rogers admit they want to bring an NFL team to Toronto.
Local vocal yokel
Lukas Rossi, a 29-year-old from Toronto, is chosen to front the band Supernova, ending the TV talent search on Rock Star: Supernova.
Bylaw kisses butt
Sean Penn brazenly lights up a cigarette at the Sutton Place Hotel during Toronto's film festival but isn't charged.
YouBoobs
A 13-year-old girl suffers second-degree burns when her top is set alight by two teenage boys who were allegedly videotaping the prank for posting on YouTube.
Mummyfied
A 24-year-old woman is charged with concealing the death of her baby by hiding the body in a freezer for several years. She was arrested while out on bail for a similar offence, involving another dead baby found six months earlier in Mississauga.
Beg pardon?
A retired science teacher at Upper Canada College is sentenced for a pair of sexual assaults against former students. The one-year jail terms are made conditional – served in the community – because the judge rules the assaults were misguided and not made for sexual gratification.
"High'' rise horticulture
Drug squad detectives arrive at a Jane St. apartment building and discover 6,600 marijuana plants growing in 22 separate apartments.
Hot spot flame-out
A fast-moving kitchen fire destroys Yorkville's celebrated Sassafraz restaurant.
Flushed with success
After paying $102 to enter a Caribbean poker tournament, a 22-year-old University of Waterloo student comes home $1.3 million richer.
Party animal politics
George Smitherman, the province's first openly gay cabinet minister, reveals that for five years in the `90s he fought and beat an addiction to "party drugs''.
Yoke's on them
Three youths are charged after an egg-throwing prank leaves a child with possible permanent eye damage.
Lord's hoard on ice
An Ontario judge freezes Conrad Black's assets around the world.
Pollster-heist
A Mississauga City Council candidate is charged with impersonating a police officer and trying to intimidate a rival candidate into abandoning her campaign.
Penal ejection
Given a choice between jail and exile to Canada, an American man convicted of having sex with a minor chooses Fort Erie, Ont.
Pussy
Foreign Affairs Minister Peter MacKay refers to Newmarket Liberal MP Belinda Stronach — his ex-lover – as a dog in the House of Commons.
Rinky-dink
Councillor Rob Ford first denies and then admits he was the drunken boor who was tossed from the Air Canada Centre after a couple complained about his profanity-laced rants during a Leafs game. Ford had handed out business cards before being ejected.
Trans-sexual offence
A self-employed taxi driver on contract for Wheel-Trans is facing sexual assault charges after a 27-year-old handicapped woman is allegedly assaulted.
90% of home accidents do occur in the bathroom
A North York woman hears what sounds like a bomb going off in her two-storey brick house and is horrified to find that a Honda Accord with a dead woman inside has plowed through the side of her home and into her bathroom.
Yuck-Yuck
A Toronto comic, who plays an obnoxious Scot in beer commercials, is arrested on child pornography charges.
Slippery thieves
A pair of priceless 19th century slippers, diamond- and ruby- covered, is stolen in broad daylight from the Bata Shoe Museum.
Footnote
The slippers are found in a church.
Fridge magnate
Former mayor Mel Lastman rejoins Bad Boy, the appliance store emporia he founded in 1955.
Bow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow
A dog is shot at least six times at point-blank range with a pellet gun as he sits on his owner's veranda.
Psycho therapy
A former CAS social worker who once counselled drug-addicted teens is sentenced for trafficking a kilogram of crystal meth while on bail for gun-smuggling charges.
Executive sweets
An audit finds that senior Toronto CAS executives are driving SUVs worth up to $60,000, getting $150 luxury car washes and receiving gym memberships worth $2,000.
Poke-check
A judge imposes only a $2,000 fine on a father who choked his son's hockey coach until the man blacked out.
Khat-nip
Two teenagers, apparently recruited over an Internet dating site, are busted at Pearson for allegedly bringing 45 kilograms of khat – worth about $250,000 – into the country.
Barking mad
A Scarborough man accused of killing his 78-year-old mother through neglect – she was "bitch-slapped'', kicked and starved for days – admits to detectives that he treated his dog better. "I could communicate with the dog more.''
Wonder-struck
Toronto's CN Tower is snubbed by selectors of worldwide landmarks, surpassed by the Eiffel Tower and the Statue of Liberty, in an interactive global campaign to identify the New 7 Wonders of the World.
Air farce plot
A Vaughan man, who apparently didn't want to visit overseas relatives, is arrested after anonymous bomb threats delay an Air Canada flight to Heathrow.
Contempt of court
A Brampton judge who was named that city's "Citizen of the Year'' in 2002 faces complaints of judicial misconduct for allegedly being "rude, insulting and disrespectful'' to fellow jurists.
Token payment
A transit-fare counterfeit ring costs the TTC $5 million in lost revenue.
Tunnel vision
Most commuters remain oblivious as a woman gives birth on Wellesley subway platform.
Optical illusionist
The founder of a small eyeglass dynasty is fined an eye-popping and record $1 million for illegally dispensing glasses without a valid prescription.
Constricted access
A 1.5-metre-long poisonous cobra moves into a west-end Toronto home uninvited, evading all efforts to locate it by police, firefighters, animal services and zoo officials. By year's end, the snake is still in situ and the house declared off limits by public health officials.
Pontius Pious
A Brampton man who taught at the Mississauga Christian Academy is charged with having sexually explicit chats over the Internet with a 13-year-old female student and sexually assaulting her.
Seeking a Seoul mate
Former Toronto city councillor Steve Ellis is suspended as an immigration and refugee appeal board judge as the RCMP investigates accusations he offered to approve a South Korean woman's refugee application if she had an affair with him.
Fear of flying parts
The wing flap of a cargo jet falls out of the sky and slams into a SUV just after its owner had hopped out to attend her tap-dance class in Mississauga.
Bug-a-boo
A $2 million lawsuit alleges that former Toronto police chief Julian Fantino was involved in wiretapping the head of the police services board.
Tomb raiders
Two young men are charged after a drunken birthday party spree leaves 188 headstones toppled at Park Lawn Cemetery.
Immune efficiency
Up to 150 delegates to the International AIDS conference in Toronto stay behind after it's over and file refugee claims.
Kayak attack
Three-time Olympic canoeist Tamas Buday Jr. is cut in the face with rocks tossed by youths from a railway bridge as he trains on Mississauga's Credit River.
Fashion crime
Toronto paralegal Harry Kopyto claims he was ejected from court and his client's case adjourned after a justice of the peace complains his jacket "clashed" with his shirt and was a "breach" of court decorum.
Pot luck bust
A Durham cop going to the assistance of a man who had rolled his car off Highway 401 discovers duffel bags containing $220,000 worth of marijuana.
Kicking ass
More than 1,715 high-steppers join the Rockettes outside the Hummingbird Centre, setting a Guinness Book of World Record for longest line of dancers.
Xmas fir-or
A Toronto judge banishes a Christmas tree from her courthouse lobby. It returns, is banished again.
Happy news year
A burglar breaks into a widow's bungalow on Christmas morning and steals her husband's ashes. Fortunately, police find them in a neighbour's driveway.
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