More Reality

Elections over, pretending done
By MONTE SOLBERG

Good, election season is over. Now we can all quit pretending that presidents and prime ministers can wave a wand and solve everyone's problems.

I know that this is alarming news and I apologize for not mentioning this before the election campaigns were over.

It's just that mentioning it to certain people during the campaign would have been like explaining to children that Santa has perished in a horrible reindeer accident and there won't be gifts this year. But the time has come to tell the truth, and the truth is this: Leading scientists have now proven that 97% of the problems faced by you and me are best addressed by you and me.

I wish to make two points before some people start to protest these new scientific findings.

First, this new study has been confirmed by the experience of all of human history.

Second, I have used the words "scientist" and "scientific" so it's really not appropriate for ordinary non-scientific people to question what science has uncovered.

This new information is especially relevant today as people look at their stock portfolio and ask these two questions: Where can I find the Kraft Dinner, and what is the government going to do to fix this?

The answers to these important questions are that the Kraft Dinner is on aisle five, and that saving money by buying Kraft Dinner is a much better solution to our problems than politicians who use the crisis to try and justify massively expanding the government.

SIMPLE, RIGHT?

It's not complicated. The more politicians spend, the less taxpayers get to save. I should know. I am a recovering politician.

There is lots of blame to go around for the current economic turmoil. Naive sub-prime borrowers must bear some guilt, and the U.S. banks and mortgage companies who suckered them in are pond scum. All of that easy credit was promoted, aided and abetted by cheerleading U.S. legislators. Government regulators failed at their one and only job, which is to regulate.

Then all of those sub-prime mortgages, bad credit card debt and shaky car loans were tied together, dabbed with perfume and tarted up with the name Asset Backed Commercial Paper, a hilarious moniker for an investment that is essentially asset free.

Some investment advisers who had never before seen ABCP pushed at it with the toe of their shoe and poked at it with sticks, and upon performing this rigorous analysis determined that it was right for their clients. Some investors seemed to think that a magical new investment had been created that carried little or no risk while offering big returns.

UNICORNS

But as common sense will confirm no risk, big reward schemes are like unicorns, and centaurs and the Kelowna Accord. They are all fun to think about, but no one has ever seen them.

The lesson in all of this is not that we should expect Stephen Harper or Barack Obama to ride to our rescue. The lesson is that we need to be more responsible for our own outcomes. We need to be prudently skeptical about hucksters of all kinds whether they start their pitch with, "Invest in this and you can't lose" or, "If elected I will". The path to success isn't complicated or glamorous. It's called work, save, and know what you're investing in. Good luck with it. See you on aisle five.