Criminally dumb and dumber
Sun's crime reporter shares some of the most oddball incidents from the files of 2008
Welcome to a few strange and ironic tales about cops and suspects in 2008.
But first, how about an example of some kind cops this holiday season?
BAD DRIVERS CAN GIVE YULE TOYS
Some naughty Texas drivers had a chance to avoid tickets by buying toys for kids. Officers who played Santa in Sansom Park, near Fort Worth, by giving a discretionary "ticket for tots" instead of $165 citations, asked drivers they stopped to take a $10 toy to a police station for needy children this Christmas.
MOST HONEST ROBBER
Investigators easily tracked an armed robber in Athens, Ga., last April. The suspect honestly completed an application form at a store while waiting for customers to leave before pulling a knife. His chances of getting the job are poor.
WEARING ONLY A SEATBELT?
A Lothario faced charges in the B.C. capital after drivers reported seeing a naked man and two nude women cruising a highway last February while engaged in sex acts. After running the licence plate, Victoria Police waited for the owner to return home and arrested him plus one companion. The other lass was dropped off earlier.
REVEALING CONFESSIONAL
A couple caught making love in a Cesena, Italy, cathedral confessional box last June made peace with a bishop after admitting they were drunk and unaware of their surroundings. Cautioned for public obscenity and disturbing a religious function, their sin was forgiven before a "mass of reparation."
HONEST, OFFICER, IT'S NOT MINE
Police in Rhode Island found 266 grams of cocaine last July behind the dashboard of an unmarked Ford Taurus police cruiser. The cops had been driving the car since seizing it in 2000. Providence Deputy Police Chief Paul Kennedy said officers search confiscated cars, but sometimes "miss stuff."
CLEAN DRIVING RECORD ICED
A 34-year-old woman accused of being drunk on vodka while erratically driving a Zamboni in Kingsville was charged Oct. 30 with impaired driving. Paging the back-up Zamboni driver!
CARJACKER'S COLD TURKEY
A Raleigh, North Carolina man nabbed in a stolen car was bruised after being battered with a frozen turkey in November. A shopper leaving a grocery store spotted Irene Bailey being beaten and whacked her attacker with the stiff bird. The suspect then hit several cars but was stopped by cops.
MARK HER AS 'FAILED'
The OPP charged a 24-year-old clocked driving 142 km/h on an 80 km/h road near Walkerton in March. Shockingly, she was en route to her driver's test. Instead her learner's permit was yanked for seven days, her vehicle was impounded and she was ordered to court to explain.
"SNOW RAGE" IN QUEBEC
Hard hit by wintry blasts in March, police in Quebec reported people fighting over snow-clearing and parking spaces. Officers answered 12 calls one day to resolve neighbour feuds over snow dumped on adjacent lawns. A man even bashed a plower's window after she shoved snow onto his yard.
IMPAIRED ON A LAWNMOWER ?
A grass-cutter faced a drunk driving charge after riding a lawn mower onto a Richmond Hill sidewalk in July. He was also accused of possessing grass -- the smokeable kind. Just another day on Toronto's Wisteria Lane.
BANK CANDID CAMERAS PAY OFF
Five men -- in court as spectators to show support for seven accused debit-card skimmers -- were not smiling when they, too, were nabbed in the courthouse lobby. Two Durham Region detectives told them of their photos taken by ATM machine candid cameras during their December arrest. The fivesome hadn't banked on the surveillance systems and joined their pals with a list of similar ripoff charges in connection with fake bank cards used to illegally amass at least $200,000 in Toronto, Vaughan and Markham.
SO MUCH EFFORT, NO PAYOFF
A pair of hapless robbers got away with nothing in early March after spending a night chopping through the tarred steel roof of a Scotiabank at St. Clair Ave. E. and O'Connor Dr. Toronto Police Det. Indy Esken said the empty-handed bandits, who had burglary tools and walkie-talkies, were foiled by the "heavily fortified" casing around the bank machine they tried to rip off.
DOG-FACED ROBBER
A cash-strapped pet owner was nabbed by police in Osaka, Japan last March after a robbery spree by a man filmed on surveillance cameras wearing a black-and-white dog mask. Dubbed "The Dogman" by the media, the 28-year-old unemployed owner of two dogs, five cats, five turtles, two snakes and tropical fish was accused of stealing about $5,600 from convenience stores while armed with a knife. The accused man -- whose pets were turned over to a pet shop -- insisted his $1,145 monthly welfare payments did not cover their food bills. But police said some of the stolen money was used to buy another dog, which he said ate his mask.
DRUNK PARKS AT COP SHOP
Police in Wetaskiwin, near Edmonton, charged a man with drunk driving after he parked at the cop shop in February. It was closed, so the motorist kept warm in the lobby before being spotted as officers returned from a call. Impounding the car was not a problem.
FOR WHOM THE TILL TOLLED
A bruised wannabe thief fled empty-handed April 3 after a Bradford store clerk rammed a cash register drawer on his hand, South Simcoe Police said.
WHAT, NO DONUTS?
A campus cop was caught by a surveillance camera helping himself to more than free store coffee offered to police, New York State Police said. Filmed purloining pastries, the sergeant was ticketed in October for 17 petty larcenies as Morrisville State College University debated his future.
COP, HORSE, IN STABLE CONDITION
A Manhattan officer was treated for cuts after being tossed from his horse, which was frightened May 2 by traffic. Aldo, 8, trotted eight blocks to the safety of his stall.
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THESE SHADY CROOKS HAD GOOD TIMING
Thieves chopped a hole through the metal roof of a London, Ont., shopping mall on Jan. 17 and made off with sunglasses and watches worth up to $100,000 from the Sunglass Hut and Watch It! Guess they wear their sunglasses at night ...
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HOW 'BOUT THOSE JAYS -- JAYWALKERS THAT IS
Fed up police in Shanghai, China, announced Aug. 28 they would post jaywalkers' surveillance photos and videos in papers and on TV to shame them into stopping. No word on what police planned for spitters.
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