Created to meet the needs of concerned citizens especially: those who want Canada to become a haven for cowardly deserters, those who support people like the Kadhrs, those who find it easier to attack the US from the safety of Canada, etc.
Dear Concerned Citizen,
My mum sent me this.
A lady Canadian Liberal wrote a lot of letters to the government,
complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgents (terrorists) being
held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. She received
back the following reply:
National Defence Headquarters
MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa , ON
K1A 0K2
Canada
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces
who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are
currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National
Correctional System facilities.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were
heard loud and clear here in Ottawa . You will be pleased to learn, thanks
to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new department
here at the Department of National Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept
Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal
detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily
armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin
Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the
standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will
likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will
conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed
are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him
overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these
problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer
counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at
your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep
those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually)
since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a
particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent
tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he
will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy
the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all
part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your
letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow
man. You take good care of Ahmed and remember, we'll be watching.Good luck
and God bless you.
Cordially,
Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense
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