- ....and normally I can live with them BUT they cross the line when they purloin fresh bagels.
- George Jonas: The squirrel who knew too much
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Everybody knows squirrels are clever, but I never expected them to understand conversational English. Well, they do — at least I met one that does.
Last week, a friend called to say she had left half-a-dozen freshly baked bagels outside my front door. Although I moved swiftly (bagels are me) someone had beaten me to the punch. The plastic shopping bag was still sitting on the top landing, but with a neat hole in its side. No mess, no scattered debris, just a minimally invasive procedure: a laparoscopic squirrel drilling a round hole, large enough for the surgically precise removal of one bagel.
The circumstantial evidence would have been sufficient, but I didn’t have to rely on it. The culprit had been caught in the act. As I opened the door, the furry perpetrator was still on the top step, bagel in possession, about to leave the crime scene. Textbook in flagrante.
Hearing the door open, the squirrel whirled. Our eyes met for an instant. The next moment it was gone, scampering down the steps to street level. It wasn’t particularly panicked. It assessed me as a slow-moving menace — more of a nuisance, really. The squirrel knew it was in no danger, but it couldn’t save the bagel.
The rodent was little and the bagel was big. It’s impossible to run for your life while hanging on to a bagel roughly your own size. The clever marauder didn’t even try. It wanted to live to steal another day. Reaching the bottom landing a second later, it whirled again to look at me.
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