I Apologize For Harper Apologizing Because This Will Offend The Left

But I am sure there will be those on the left who will expect an apology because I apologized and this makes it difficult for them to put forward their list of offenses for which they expect apologies.

All this apologizing
what a sorry state
John Gormley
The StarPhoenix
Friday, June 08, 2007

When done right, a proper apology is a work of art. It acknowledges a wrongdoing, expresses deep regret, asks for forgiveness, offers reparations and promises not to re-offend.
Lately we don't hear good apologies, at least from those who should be offering them -- such as from the provincial NDP government over its handling of recent scandals or from baseball star Alex Rodriguez or those paragons of rotten parenthood, Cathy Hilton and Dina Lohan.
In the world of federal politics, however, it seems that apologies are breaking out everywhere, emerging as the answer to rewriting history. This bothersome "aren't they precious" politics is all about voter targeting.
The Harper government has apparently backed away from the Liberals' long-touted "no apology, no compensation" line, which was used when various ethnic groups and grievance collectors were seeking redress for past wrongs.
The list is endless
In fairness to Prime Minister Stephen Harper, the Liberals' so-called hard-line was doublespeak and a cynicism so typical of Liberals. Groups were told there'd be no apology, but then they'd be promised big money for acknowledgment, education programs and commemoration, with a healthy dollop of talk.
Harper seems intent, as part of his Community Historical Recognition Program, to not only give money and acknowledgment, but is also stepping up to apologize.
Already having said "sorry" for racist policies of the past affecting Chinese immigrants, Harper will now apparently apologize and pay Ukrainian-Canadians and Italian-Canadians.
At this rate, expect demands from any number of groups, including Germans, Bulgarians, Austro-Hungarians, Croatians, Doukhobors, Hutterites, Indo-Canadians, Jews, Mennonites and Turks.
In the post 9/11 world, the list of the aggrieved is conceivably endless. The war on terror will spawn all kinds of demands for apologies.
On the topic of historical apologies and redress, you can be forgiven for asking why.
How about simply regretting acts done in the past -- as viewed through today's lens -- acknowledging the sins of long-gone policymakers and then moving forward with a commitment to respect human rights and not repeat the mistakes of the past?
And, by the way, forget the money.
I venture opinions on the radio every day. Consequently I've become something of an expert at offending people.
Some of the offended people -- including many I didn't know were being offended and certainly didn't intend to offend -- demand apologies, as do their friends, families, colleagues and advocacy groups.
Usually they don't get them, or at least not quickly enough.
But, as the slower lazy days of summer begin -- and in the spirit of Prime Minister Harper -- maybe it's time to rethink this apology stuff.
Perhaps it's time that I apologized, really and truly apologized, to all of the people, organizations, religions, races, aliens and animals that I have offended in the past year.
The list is not a short one. In fact it is long.
And because it is inevitable that you may be offended in the future --who knows, maybe even this column is offending you now -- I'd also like to apologize in advance.
Yes, I'm the great offender
First, I'd like to apologize specifically to Premier Lorne Calvert (in fact, this would be a continuing apology for reasons that are self-evident), to people with fanny packs, to the Shame Lady and to left-lane drivers.
While we're on the subject of the left, many organs of the political left deserve my apologies, including the CBC, Toronto Star, garden variety socialists, Marxists, trade union leaders and Fidel Castro. (Glad you pulled through, though, you old Commie).
The French are owed an apology (not les Quebecois, but the truly annoying French of France), Hillary Clinton, anyone who believes Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth and fans of Princess Di, Paris Hilton, Rosie O'Donnell or David Suzuki.
For others I have offended, such as people with breathing problems who want to ban outdoor fires and stop you from wearing perfume, I apologize.
Let's include young offenders, their parents, certain provincial court judges, citizens of Leask (and Rosetown if we're still holding grudges) and angry white guys who see race in all things.
To this, add aboriginal activists who see race in all things and certain high-ranking officials in politics, health, education and welfare who I've offended because I just don't think you're as smart as you've convinced everyone else that you are.
Any list of apologies would be remiss without mentioning people who in public wear sweat pants that show the crack of their butt, people who act like Saskatchewhiners instead of Saskatchewinners, the members of CAVE -- Citizens Against Virtually Everything -- along with their fear-mongering cousins in the anti-nuke, anti-trade and medi-scare world.
I apologize, as well, to morons who can't merge properly from an on ramp, the misguided Kings of the Coffee Shop who cannot say a good word about anything, faith healers, psychics, cop haters and young moms pushing strollers the size of Volkswagens. You are among those I have offended. Repeatedly, I gather.
A particular apology is in order to idiots who feel that letting someone into their lane of traffic might end the possibility of world peace breaking out.
The list could go on. As I think about it, it's all quite purgative. This apology stuff feels good.
It doesn't actually fix anything, but I can feel all the bad stuff falling off me -- sort of like weight loss. Did I mention those I've offended on the issue of weight loss?
Hope you haven't been offended by today's column. Good. There's still time.
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Gormley can be heard Monday to Friday at 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. on NewsTalk 650