Couple, 95, forced apart by the system
 |
 Jean and Gord Vigars, both 95, have been married 69 years and have never been apart. Now they are facing separation because Jean has to go to a nursing home, but there is no room for her husband. (Bob Chaulk/Sun Media) |
ST. THOMAS -- In nearly 70 years of marriage Gordon and Jean Vigars have never spent a night apart.
That will change tonight.
They are praying their separation will be temporary.
There has not been a rift. Their love is as strong as ever when they married here 69 years ago after meeting at a dance when he was a furniture salesman and she worked in the library.
They did not see this coming but it's modern-day society that is splitting them up. The problem is there is just not enough room for both in the nearby seniors' home.
It's a real life situation that should give us pause as we and our parents age. You may see more of this.
Meanwhile, it was one interesting 95th birthday for Jean yesterday as all of her children were in from various locales across the land to both sing Happy Birthday to mom but also to be there for her in her final night in the home -- the same one where she was brought from the hospital at birth.
Lots of tears and hugs in the Vigars household these days.
Gord and Jean's life together has been a dream -- four children, eight grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren. Their two-storey brick home is filled with pictures and memories from a successful journey together. Those raised in this home, or who spent Christmas or other big family days here, say it still has that warm and welcoming smell of home that it always did.
It will never be the same after today. The problem is because of health and time, it is just not safe for them to be in that home anymore. For months, their children, all in their 60s, have been trying to figure out just what to do -- as their parents expressed their reluctance toward accepting any change.
"I think we are OK," insists Gord.
Next to him Jean puts her hand on his and chuckles. "He still thinks we can manage this big house but we just can't," says Jean. "I think it is time."
A recent smoke-filled house and a burnt TV dinner in the oven was the turning point. But what happens to a couple married seven decades if there is no room in the system to move into a nursing home together?
Unfortunately Gord and Jean Vigars are going to find out. It seems they are going to have to find a way to live apart for an unknown amount of time. It's a dilemma and a curve ball for the Vigars family -- and it could be a wake-up call for the province as the population lives longer.
"We could have put mom in one nursing home in one town and dad in another one somewhere else," says their eldest son John, 68, a businessperson.
Neither liked that option much. So here's what's happening. Jean will go into the Valleyview Home here today and wait until there is room for her husband to follow.
"I am very concerned," Jean said yesterday. "I don't know if Gord will be able to make it on his own."
It is a problem because even though there are social service agencies that will drop off everything from meals to medication, it does not mean he will open the door. The family is planning to take shifts looking after him.
Gord has made it clear he is not thrilled with any of the changes. "I don't want you to go," he told Jean yesterday as his children sobbed with emotion.
And Jean doesn't really want to. "But I have trouble seeing now and I can't hear," she said. "I guess it's time."
She grew up in this house which means when she gets in the car to drive across town to her new residence it will mark 95 years of memories and also mark the real end of an era for both her and the street. John, his brothers Bob and Bill and sister Beth are not looking forward to the emotional scene and just wish there was some other way to deal with this.
It's a falling between the cracks kind of story. "They are both special people," said Bill, a well-known entertainment industry publicist. "Both were active in their community and have done their part."
"I guess in this province we have not yet written the chapter on what to do in this situation," said Bob, a longtime track and cross country coach and physical education professor at the University of Western Ontario. "It is a problem because they have never, ever been apart before overnight."
Interim Tory leader Bob Runciman, voting for a new leader yesterday, said he would talk over this problem with the premier and others. "There must be a way . . .perhaps a temporary room inside homes."
Over at Valleyview they were getting Jean's room ready for her arrival today and one staffer said the wait for Gord could be several months. Jean prays it won't take that long.
"I hope it happens shortly because he is so forgetful," Jean said. "He tells me he can cook but he can't cook. I am so worried."
There is much happening in the world but here in St. Thomas tonight will be the first night in almost seven decades Gord and Jean Vigars will not be together.
1 comment:
I wrote about the Vigars also heartbreaking story I've been in touch with their son and they are still separated however they do get to see each other everyday
unitedharmony.blogspot.com
Post a Comment