STATE-SPONSORED BUSYBODIES

Written by Rondi Adamson
Thursday, 17 May 2007

Public service announcements for something called "Neighbours, Friends and Families," a campaign in part sponsored by the Canadian province of Ontario’s government and Ontario’s "Women’s Directorate," have been popping up on TV recently. So far I’ve seen two, and I think they ought to change the name of their group to "State-Sponsored Busybodies."

Each features a mean husband yelling at his quiet, feebish wife, for no apparent good reason. Clucking, busybody bystanders look on and ultimately realize they have to call the Neighbours, Friends and Families hotline. I’m not sure what they say in the call, since no one is being hit. I guess they say, "Help! I just saw a man yelling at his wife! She didn’t seem to be enjoying it." It’s pretty ridiculous, and I imagine Canada is not the only country where taxpayers are forced to fund such silliness.

At the end of the ads, a grave voiceover intones, "Most Ontarians feel a personal responsibility for reducing woman abuse..." As someone who spent years teaching English, that part makes me giggle -- likely not the result the people behind the program had in mind. What in the heck is "woman abuse"? If a friend of mine, male or female, loses their temper and yells at me, is that "woman abuse"? If I blow my stack with a boyfriend (this has been known to happen), is that, therefore, "man abuse"? Obviously, what these ads are trying to get at is domestic violence. But surely someone who beats up his wife is committing something commonly known as a "crime," rather than, "woman abuse." And one should call the police if one knows of someone being physically attacked. But the nebulous "woman abuse"?

The silly terminology makes women sound like babies or kittens or any other helpless, speechless creature who can easily be harmed by those who would take advantage of said helpless, speechless state. I don’t object to -- or snicker at -- the phrases "child abuse," and "animal abuse". Animals cannot speak, and too often people seem unaware or unconcerned that they suffer. Children, even when they can speak, are often figuratively muted. But women? Are we, by virtue of our reproductive organs and mammaries, less emotionally strong, less mentally fierce, less able to take the necessary steps to get out a bad situation when we find ourselves stuck?

For that is really all I am seeing in these PSAs. Bad latitudes. Bad relationships. If you visit the Neighbours, Friends and Families website, a list of warning signs of potential "woman abuse" is given. It includes, "He puts her down," "He acts as if he owns her," "He lies to make himself look good...," and "She may be apologetic and make excuses for his behaviour...," and so forth. All of this sounds unpleasant, yes, but it also sounds like dysfunctional adults in unhealthy relationships. Plenty of people, male and female, freely enter into such situations and freely stay in them. Not, as these ads suggest, because the neighbours aren’t intruding enough, but because many people find it easier to stay in a terrible relationship they have become addicted to, than to take a risk and break away. In short, they are making a stupid, self-destructive choice.

Now, if a good friend of mine -- male or female -- were dating someone who put them down, I would say something to that good friend. But if I merely witness the quotidian nastiness that many couples seem resigned to, I don’t think it would help for me to phone a hotline.

What troubles me most about these PSAs, is not the boorish husbands. It is not even that I am made to subsidize them -- though that doesn’t thrill me. (Let me make clear, if I thought for a minute these ads would accomplish something other than making me laugh or change the channel, I would not object to them). What bothers me most about these PSAs, is that the women are such inert, abject little quarries. Why is that? I wonder. Maybe because they’ve become accustomed to being assigned the same classification as animals and infants -- the helpless and the speechless.

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