Larry Might Be A Little Cynical But.......

....is he that far off the mark? Unfortunately the responses to an issue like this is to take pot shots at the messenger rather than discuss the message......

Feeling a little green, are we? Why the Globe and Star should be celebrating skyrocketing food and fuel prices

By LORRIE GOLDSTEIN

Dear Globe and Mail and Toronto Star:

For 15 months, I've been saving your respective front pages from the glorious weekend of January 27-28, 2007, when you simultaneously declared your mutual jihads against man-made global warming.

I knew they'd come in handy some day and now, they have.

Indeed, it seems like only yesterday I awoke to my Saturday, January 27, 2007 Globe to be greeted by the hysterical, front-page headline "Welcome to the new climate," under a politically correct green masthead, declaring at the bottom: "We want action. We're ready for sacrifices."

Not to be outdone, the Star a day later had its own World War III, front-page headline, "State of denial: Do the skeptics of global warming have a hidden agenda?" -- in the finest traditions of "do you deny beating your wife?" journalism.

And now, here we are, just 15 months later and isn't it great you both have exactly what you wanted -- skyrocketing gasoline prices and about-to-skyrocket food prices -- since as we both know, hitting energy-hogging Canadians in their pocketbooks is the only way to make them reduce their evil greenhouse gas emissions hard and fast.

After all, more fuel-efficient cars? C'mon. We both know all that does is prompt people to drive more, since it costs them less per mile to do so.

Biofuels? Oops. Who knew converting agricultural land from food to fuel production would contribute to a global food shortage, runaway prices, riots in the Third World and starvation?

Incandescent light bulbs? Wind farms? Solar panels? Earth Hour? Please. All very nice but we all know, they're window dressing.

In the spirit, then, of your stirring call to arms 15 months ago, may I suggest the following articles for your future editions, as you lead the way in the battle against global warming.

(1) Daily editorials extolling the virtues of the skyrocketing gasoline (and electricity, heating and water) bills your readers will be receiving as rapid price hikes in the cost of fossil fuels really start to bite. Plus, editorials urging Prime Minister Stephen Harper and Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty to introduce a carbon tax, and not at the piddling levels imposed by Quebec or British Columbia, but a big mother !#@#%$& tax hike designed to finish Canadians off.

(2) Special features explaining how fighting global warming is really about making choices. For example, given where food prices are headed seeing as how sensitive they are to transportation and fuel costs, the Star could explain to its readers, given its strong tradition of social advocacy, that poor people will now have the choice not to eat.

And since it's better to buy domestically-grown food than foreign as it takes less fuel to get it to market, the Globe could explain to its upscale readership the virtues of truffles from, say, Hamilton, as opposed to France.

(3) For the Star, a daily feature on where the highest gas prices are in the Greater Toronto Area, urging readers to fill their tanks at these publicly spirited businesses, doing their part to fight global warming by seeing to it they have even less money to spend on gas than they otherwise would.

(4) A special series explaining the amazing scientific advances that have been made in the study of global warming -- such as the exciting discovery of carbon offsets, so Al Gore could fly.

BRIGHT SIDE STORIES

(5) "Good news" stories about the bright side of runaway fuel, food and energy prices. For example, when they get high enough that people stop their discretionary spending, thus leading to a recession, thus dramatically lowering greenhouse gas emissions the way that great environmental leader, Russia, did, after the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 -- meaning we, too, will now have billions of dollars worth of "hot air" to sell to other countries under the Kyoto accord.

(6) Finally, since it would be utterly hypocritical to ask others to make sacrifices you're not prepared to make yourself, when may we expect you to cut the size of your forest-eating, greenhouse-gas-emitting, planet-destroying Saturday editions in half?

Seriously. You could stop a truck with one of those things.