Servers Of The World - Take Heart

It is possible that science has undertaken a way to ensure you don't get stiffed by some of those cheap bastards your serve.

Caltech Physicists Successfully Split The Bill

September 5, 2006 | Issue 42•36

PASADENA, CA—Sequestered in a private booth at a Pasadena-area Cheesecake Factory for nearly 25 minutes, a party of eight California Institute Of Technology physicists emerged exhausted but visibly excited Friday evening after successfully splitting the bill.

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Physicists discuss the ground-breaking new process.

"This is an important day for us, not only because it marks Professor [Wayne] Newbury's birthday, but because we have accomplished a feat thought unimaginable ever since [late computational physicist Philip] Eisenreich found that it was impossible to calculate how a group of paired bodies, set in motion by the presence of a solid-state check, could come to rest at a non-variable, evenly distributed mathematical constant," said lead party organizer and theoretical physicist Dr. Cynthia Dreyfuss.

Before the arrival of the check, several early bill-splitting theories were proposed, including a simple process of dividing it into eight identical fragments, the Random Contribution Model, and a theory posited by Newbury himself—who insisted that he was bound to treat everyone—which was widely rejected on the basis that it would undermine the whole objective of the evening.

"When the check came, we all immediately agreed that the total of $284.57 could be defined as an irrational number of dollars for a party of eight to spend at a chain restaurant," said Dreyfuss.

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