Feminists Beware - SAHMs Going On Offensive

The mommy wars continue...

There is nothing that gets my Taurean anger going more than a discussion of "The Mommy Wars".

There is a new book coming out by Leslie Bennetts titled, "The Feminine Mistake". I realize it is a play on words on another influential tome called "The Feminine Mystique", but somehow, as someone living on the SAHM side of the fence, the title does not beg me to go out and buy a copy.

In case you have not heard about its premise, Bennetts writes about how women have blindly given up their power, their financial independence, and their dignity when they decide to opt out of the workforce and become a SAHM. She goes on to say that by doing so, these women have put their children's lives in peril, their marriages in a state of imbalance, and their self worth and health in jeopardy. She states that women who jump onto the Mommy track do not seriously look at the inherent risks associated with this track and she wrote the book to warn SAHM's of the "mistake" they are making.

Yeah, as a SAHM, I want to rush out and buy a book that essentially tells me that my choice is dangerous and wrong.

In interviews, Bennetts claims that she is not advocating one side over the other, but I beg to differ, just based only on the word choice of her title. She IS making a judgment on SAHMs, and not a nice one.

I'm a little angry and very confused by all of this. As someone who grew up in the 70's and 80's, I was brought up to believe that I could be anything, do anything, be all that I could be. Classical feminism is all about a woman's freedom to choose... or so I thought. I chose to pursue an education, I chose to marry, I chose to have and raise my children. My choices, that fit my values and my life goals. Now, I realize that others may not choose what I have; others may need or want to work outside the home. That is their right. Feminism is all about having the right to choose what you want; it is not about dictating to others what their choice should be.

Why is it that people on both side of this debate feel it necessary to beat down others for the very choices that we make instead of celebrating that we just CAN make these choices? Why is it that instead of supporting what a woman decides to do with her life, we guilt and demonize her choices because it does not fit with our own world view? Why do we insist on insulting each other by describing our lifestyle choice with stereotypes and hurtful words? I'm not about to break into a rousing rendition of Kumbaya, but why the hell can't we just get along?

I know I'm not what some people in blogs and forums say I am- a lazy, uneducated, bon-bon eating, soap opera watching, "doing lunch" woman who has no life outside her kids and her husband. Yet this myth perpetuates. I believe these statements as much as I believe that working moms don't love their children enough to be with them, that all they care about are things, vacations, and a nice second car. Both stereotypes are derogatory, insulting and teaming with ignorance. And yet they live on.

I'll be watching Steve Paikin of The Agenda on TVO tonight with interest where he will lead a most likely heated discussion on this very topic. But I suspect that my Taurean anger will rear its ugly head once more.

Posted by Torian at 7:34 AM