Lorrie Goldstein A Liberal-Not Bloody Likely

But just in case some left wing liberal comes across this blog I want to make it clear that this can be considered biting satire..........

Allow me to explain Grit policy

By LORRIE GOLDSTEIN

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Today it gives me great pleasure to introduce the latest innovation to Lorrie Goldstein’s column — Liberal Lorrie.

As part of our continuing efforts here at Sun Media to be converged, responsive, interactive, multi-platformed and vertically and horizontally integrated with you, our readers, the Sun has gone to great expense to hire me, Liberal Lorrie, to address any questions you may have about the Liberal Party of Canada.

As you may know, we Liberals, the natural governing party, are out of power for the first time in 13 years and frankly, we are getting pretty bored.

So, if you have any doubts or concerns about supporting us in the next federal election, I, Liberal Lorrie, am here to answer them. Feel free to phone, fax, mail, e-mail or courier them to me. Let’s get started.

Dear Liberal Lorrie: I would like to vote for the Liberals to defeat that war-mongering, Bush-loving Stephen Harper, who sent our soldiers to Kandahar. But I am hearing disturbing reports that it was Paul Martin and the Liberals who ordered our troops to Kandahar. Is this true? Sign me, “Confused.”

Dear Confused: It depends on your definition of “true.” Unlike the Parliamentary Press Gallery, which contains some of the finest journalistic minds in Canada within 10 feet of either side of the Ottawa River — just ask them — you fail to appreciate that Harper’s foreign policy lacks “nuance.” By contrast, we Liberals are full of “nuance.” That’s “nuance,” from the original French, meaning “two-faced, spineless hypocrisy.”

Dear Liberal Lorrie: I am thinking of voting for the Liberals because of their support for Kyoto. But I have heard Canada has a worse record of controlling the growth of greenhouse gas emissions than the United States, which never even signed Kyoto. Can this possibly be accurate? Sign me, “Hot and Bothered.”

Dear Hot and Bothered: Technically, yes, but only if you interpret “a worse record of controlling the growth of greenhouse gas emissions” in its strictly literal sense of “a worse record of controlling the growth of greenhouse gas emissions.” By any other standard, say our own, we’re way ahead of those morons.

http://www.torontosun.com/News/Columnists/Goldstein_Lorrie/2006/09/17/pf-1852262.html