And MICHELE MANDEL Is Not To Be Forgotten

When it comes to handing our gifts (lumps of coal) to non-politicos.....

Our grown-up Christmas list
In this, the season of giving, it's time to play Santa for those naughty and nice
By MICHELE MANDEL

In the spirit of the holiday, we thought we'd use this space to offer a few gifts to those in need.

We know many who have been naughty this year, some who have been nice. Some have been all sugar and some have been nothing but spice. So bear with us as we play Santa Claus -- which, for a Jewish girl, is a real treat.

To Britney Spears, we offer some underwear, Nicorette gum and a manual on how to bring up baby. We applaud you for finally Fed-Exing that freeloader, we truly do, but your weeks of partying should now be done. You're a mom, for goodness sake. Put on some panties -- ditto your train wreck gal pals Paris and Lindsay -- and get out the Dr. Spock.

To Stephen Harper, we present a sense of humour. Man, that guy is too serious. Our favourite was his appearance in that snug-fitting pastel blue number during the APEC summit in Vietnam -- surely that was reason enough for a self-deprecating chuckle. But even when he's trying to smile, his eyes refuse to co-operate. Yes, our prime minister has the weight of the world on his shoulders -- and who knows when that election will be called -- but it would be nice if he lightened up a little. May we suggest a polar bear skinny dip with Rick Mercer?

To Michael "Kramer" Richards -- he of the n-word rant -- we bequeath a white Christmas. And to his racist partner-in-arms, Mel Gibson, a great big bottle of Manischewitz wine and a gefilte fish chaser. L'chaim.

Ho! Ho! Ho!